Desolation Ghosts independently published Aug 8, 2023

 That means I finished my 5th draft and self-published on Amazon. My distribution/promotion plan: slip some into Small Free Libraries I don't know what this book's purpose is. I trust it will get where it needs to. Did my part. On to other things.

Desolation Ghosts at Amazon

I'm in the cult now!

 I DID see a Bobo! And sang happy birthday to Chuck Palahniuk. True story!

Corporeal

 Hope to spend some time here being a writer.

Kerouac in Sedro-Woolley source documents

If anyone wants my obsessive research on Jack Kerouac's hour in Sedro-Woolley in 1956, you can get it here. I always thought it was Herb's Chevron he went into, but I finally confirmed it didn't open until 1959, so it must have been Gus's Chevron, which is no longer there. ... Hold the presses!! I just heard from Gus's daughter. It was Gus's Chevron in 1956, but it WAS the same building as Herb's Chevron! For some reason it had a different address, but I'm going to trust the daughter's word over the address. .... WHOA! The gas station owner (Gus) is still alive! 96 years old and still has his mind and memory.

Kerouac source docs

Big, shiny bar

Yep, having dinner 5 minutes from home in Sedro-Woolley where Jack Kerouac once had 2 beers. Skagit County is a secret Beat history hot spot.

Book of Joan

Finally reading Lidia Yuknavitch's The Book of Joan. It's amazing, of course. Beautiful, disturbing, steely, and meticulous. Here's a passage:

"Two things have always ruptured up and through hegemony: art and bodies. That is how art has preserved its toehold in our universe. Where there was poverty, there was also a painting someone stared at until it filled them with grateful tears. Where there was genocide, there was a song that refused to quiet. Where a planet was forsaken, there was someone telling a story with their last breath, and someone else carrying it like DNA, or star junk."

If it wasn't for Sterling Lord, literature wouldn't be the same

DG has been rejected 74 times (61 official and 13 non-response). Today's rejection is a template I've received a couple times before. Each time it's thrown me in a different way. Here it is:

Thank you for submitting your project, DESOLATION GHOSTS. I read your materials with interest, and did find a great deal to recommend the project, but ultimately, I just wasn't as enthusiastic about the concept as I had hoped to be.

Naturally, this is a highly-subjective opinion, and I'm sure other agents will feel quite differently.

The first time I got this response I was distressed thinking I was on the right track with the story (I think the first one said they were excited about the concept but not as enthusiastic about the book as they'd hoped to be) but had failed in the writing. The second time I read the rejection to my husband who agreed it's definitely more of an "ouch" than other rejections. This time I thought, "She found something interesting. Maybe she'll like the revision better!" (Yes, of course I'm working on a 5th revision.) Then I remembered that it doesn't matter. Someone's either going to love it or they're not. They really don't need to bother with all these words that are supposed to soften the blow, though it's nice of them to try. Just yes or no. And if it's a yes, it has to be love because they say having a champion who's passionate about the book is the only way to get through the painstaking process of getting a book to press and market.

The feedback that really counts is from a ranger who knows the park, knows the environment, has an amazing heart and instincts and doesn't quite buy one of the character's growth arc. She's probably right, and I know why, so I'm working on an alternate version to fix that.

Loose was rejected by The Threepenny Review where I submitted it Sunday while waiting for One Story to work out the bugs in their submission process. It's still out to four magazines, which you have to allow more time than agents.

Got another rejection as I was writing this blog article: 75!

Inspiration

 "... when you are thoroughly inspired you hang yourself by the ankles and wait for the vultures to devour you alive." - Henry Miller, The Colossus of Maroussi

Tin House

Submitted DG to Tin House's annual 2-day open submission period for debut writers.

Ending

I was waiting to hear from one last person whose feedback on DG would be especially valuable. After great conversation, decided I need to change the ending. Won't be a big deal to do and will make it more satisfying for readers.

Sequel

The sequel to DG is coming fast and furious like an actual brainstorm. All I can do is try to jot down notes and hope the stuff I can't catch will be there when I get to the place in the book where it belongs. 

After I finished DG, I took a novel writing class because it was being taught by one of my writing mentors, who had also been my professor and editor a long time ago. I met two amazing writers there and was in a zoom writing group with them for I think around 6 months. They're both really talented, and it was especially satisfying because I got to help the short story writer recognize how good he is and why. I hope to see his book of short stories out someday. The woman is an amazing human who actually made a living as a writer in Hollywood for a decade or so and had even directed a short film she wrote that had some famous actors in it. But she hasn't written a novel yet. I was the only one in the class besides the teacher who had, and I felt like they sort of treated me like I knew something. All I knew was what I personally experienced, and I suspect it's different for everyone, but I think I'll make a note of it as it's happening this time.

Last spring I was working at the public defender's office and saw about four cases come in where women (always women) had been sent to the psych ward on holds, had events (likely provoked) with security or nursing staff, then were arrested, sent to jail and charged with felonies. One of the cases was especially heinous because the woman was locked in her bathroom trying to kill herself when cops broke the door down and dragged her to the psych ward. She was charged with assault for kicking, spitting, and cursing at them ... in the middle of having a mental crisis after being grabbed by police. That's when I knew there was a sequel to DG. After Kate gets rescued and taken for her mandatory three days in the booby hatch, that's what happens to her. I knew that throughout the novel, her PTSD "superpowers" (where she does brave things to defend people or animals that normal people wouldn't do and that are a threat to her life and liberty) would be a continuous threat to her continued sobriety, sanity, and upward arc toward a better life.

Then I read Walter Mosley's Always Outnumbered, Always Outgunned and saw how that very fear that someone with Kate's issues lives with of fucking everything up can be the suspense that carries the plot. It's also true in The Shining, come to think of it.

And then I saw how Jayne could be on an overlapping arc going down while Kate's arc is going up just like they were before with Kate going down and Jayne going up, and that they could join forces at the end for a major blow-up that either kills them both or sets them both on the path upwards.

It's been slowly coming in small pieces like that but it wasn't until I finished a bunch of tasks and got to the place where - right now - I have a few weeks to do almost nothing but write. It's one last chunk of free time before I (hopefully) get back to work. For the last two nights I laid in bed and let my mind figure out that overlapping plot. Then all the details from various experiences started to snow down on me. I've caught enough now that it's time to write. As each scene reveals itself to me, I feel exhaustion thinking about how much work will be involved in capturing it, but I know it will be a relief once I get it out. Like childbirth or gas.

Do you know what writing a book is like for me? I have to let myself be possessed.

Stephen King

I asked Stephen King for a blurb for my book. Why not? If Stephen King gave my book the thumbs up, that's all the legitimacy I'd need. I'd self-publish and smile. (I think it's a really long shot.)